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He Got to Read His Obituary Before He Died



Dan didn’t want a funeral. 


Not the kind with stiff chairs, hushed voices, and words spoken too late. When Dan's cancer returned, his son Jared had an idea: what if they told Dan’s story now, while he could still hear it? 


So they created a website page. A space where friends, family, colleagues, and strangers could share what Dan meant to them. The messages came quickly. Hundreds of them. Stories about kindnesses Dan had long forgotten, words of gratitude from people he barely knew he’d helped. Dan read every one. 


He laughed. He cried. He told his nurse, “This is the good stuff.” After he died, the family gathered again, this time to read the stories out loud. It didn’t take away the pain, but it gave the grief a place to rest. It gave them a moment of joy in the middle of goodbye. 


Why an Obituary Doesn't Work Anymore 


Most obituaries are written in a rush, during one of the most challenging moments of a person’s life. They follow a formula. Name, date of birth and death, spouse’s name, children’s names, place of employment, and location of the service. 


That might have worked in the newspaper era. But it’s not how we remember people now. It’s not how we want to be remembered either. 


An obituary is a death announcement. What Dan received was something else entirely. It was a living reflection. Something he could actually feel. 


Storytelling Is a Gift For the Living 


There’s a shift happening. More people are realizing they don’t want to wait until someone dies to say what the person means to them. 


When we tell someone what they meant to us while they’re still here, it changes the experience, for them and for us. It becomes a gift, not a task. A connection, not an announcement. 


And it doesn’t have to be a lot of work. You’re not trying to sum up a whole life. You’re just sharing a piece of it. One memory, one photo, one small story. 


We Have Better Tools Now 


It used to take weeks to gather stories. If you were lucky, someone would cobble together emails, scrapbook pages, and a photo album. Today, technology makes it easier. 

Simple websites. Audio clips. Private group messages. Even AI tools can help organize and format memories into something coherent. And unlike a funeral or obituary, these stories don’t disappear. They become part of the person’s living legacy. They stay. 


You Don’t Have to Wait 


If someone in your life is aging, ill, or simply open to reflection, now is the time. You don’t have to make it formal. Just ask: 


“What’s a story you never want to forget?” 

Or: 

“What did they do that stuck with you?” 


You’ll be surprised by what people remember. You’ll be even more surprised by how much it means when someone hears it while they’re still here. 


A New Kind of Goodbye 


What Dan’s family created wasn’t an obituary. It was a mirror; one that let him see the kind of father, friend, mentor, and human he had been through the eyes of others. 

It didn’t follow a template. It wasn’t written in a rush. It was made with intention, one story at a time. 


And when the end came, Dan didn’t leave wondering if he had mattered. He knew. Because people told him, clearly, honestly, and while he was still here to hear it. 


No column could have given him that. Only people could. 


 

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