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How to Plan a Funeral That Feels Like You 



 


How to Plan a Funeral That Feels Like You


At 21, Ruby Love Cohen walked into a secondhand shop in Copenhagen and found a mint green silk coat with tiny yellow flowers. It was delicate and bright, with a Western cut and an antique charm. She took it back to her room, hung it under a light, and stared at it. “This coat will outlive me,” she told her friend. Then a thought came to her: What if my funeral looked like this? What if it were a fashion exhibition, not a traditional service? 

That idea shaped the way Ruby thinks about death and design. 


Most of us picture beige rooms, generic flowers, and the same three songs. But a funeral can be something else. It can be creative, honest, and authentic. It can reflect the textures of a life: its stories, humor, and contradictions. The sooner we start thinking about it, the more we can live in alignment with what matters now.  


Planning your own funeral isn’t morbid. It’s an act of care for yourself and for the people you love. Here’s how to begin. 


10 Steps for Designing a Meaningful Goodbye 


  1. Ask: How do I want to be remembered? Before any planning begins, pause. What do you hope people feel or say about you when you’re gone? What parts of your life do you want to be carried forward? This question sets the tone for everything else. 


  2. Take inventory of what brings you joy. Think about the things that make you feel most like yourself: music, food, clothes, books, places, rituals. Write them down. This list becomes the raw material for your funeral. 


  3. Decide the vibe. Do you want something quiet and sacred? Loud and full of color? Funny? Intimate? Outdoors? Your tone doesn’t have to match anyone else’s. This is your story. Choose the energy that feels right. 


  4. Select a setting that suits you. Not everyone wants a funeral home. Maybe it’s a gallery, a cabin, a local park, or your own backyard. Perhaps it’s a trip to a city that shaped you. Where would people feel your presence the most? 


  5. Design for the senses. What music should play? What should people wear? Should the room smell like jasmine, frankincense, or tortillas on the stove? Do you want laughter or silence? A playlist or live music? Every detail can tell a story. 


  6. Let objects carry meaning. Ruby’s silk coat wasn’t just fashion; it was memory. Maybe you have a childhood toy, a scarf, a tool, or a recipe. Include these. You don’t need a eulogy when the room tells your story for you. 


  7. Leave room for storytelling. Invite people to share memories through letters, photos, recordings, or objects on display. Let them become part of the goodbye. 


  8. Ease the burden for your people. The more choices you make ahead of time, the fewer your loved ones will need to make under pressure. Write down your wishes. Be clear about what matters and what doesn’t. 


  9. Think about the planet. Traditional funerals are costly in every way, including environmentally. You can choose greener options, such as natural burial, mycelium coffins, or donating your body to science. Dying can reflect your values. 


  10. Update it yearly. This isn’t one and done. Revisit it each year, like you might a will. Your favorite music may change. Your people might shift. That’s normal. Your funeral plan can grow with you. 


At the core, funerals are about connection and helping people remember the real you. A personalized funeral isn’t just for the person who dies; it’s for the people left behind. It gives them something real to hold onto. Start by making a list. Write down a song, a scent, a snack. Tell someone about it. That’s the first step. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be you. 


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