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How to Talk to Children About Grief: Wisdom from Two Grief Advocates






Grief is a universal human experience, but when it comes to children, many adults feel at a loss for words. We want to protect them. We worry we’ll say the wrong thing. And often, in trying to shield them from pain, we leave them feeling confused and alone. 

 

The truth is, children grieve too, and they need our guidance, honesty, and presence to navigate loss. In a recent conversation with Leanne Wallet and Jess Slater, grief advocates and co-authors of the children’s book All Around Is Me, I explored how we can support young hearts through the most challenging moments. Their message is clear: When we make it safe to talk about grief, we help children begin to heal. 

 

What Grief Looks Like in Children 

Children don’t grieve the same way adults do, and that’s one of the reasons their grief is often misunderstood. While adults may expect tears and long talks, kids can quickly move in and out of sadness. 


One moment, they’re crying; the next, they’re playing. This behavior is not avoidance; it’s regulation. It’s how their developing minds cope. 


Grief may also show up in less obvious ways: sudden clinginess, anxiety, trouble sleeping, or even behavioral issues at school. Some children become withdrawn, while others act out. And because their understanding of death evolves with age, their questions and their grief often return in new ways over time. 

 

Authors Leanne Wallet and Jess Slater observed this with their children. After losing their fathers, both women noticed waves of emotional response in their kids, some immediate, some delayed. They emphasized how important it is to acknowledge all of it: the sadness, the anger, the confusion, and even the silence. Every reaction is valid. 

 

Why We Avoid the Conversation 

Many adults instinctively shy away from talking to children about grief. We don’t want to burden them. We’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. We tell ourselves that silence protects them, but silence often isolates them. 

 

Children are incredibly perceptive. They pick up on emotional shifts, whispered conversations, and empty chairs at the dinner table. When no one names the loss, they may question their feelings or blame themselves. They may ask themself, “I’m feeling really sad, and I see that no one else is feeling this way. Is there something wrong with me?” 

 

That quiet heartbreak is what the authors hope to change. By normalizing the conversation, they show that acknowledging pain doesn’t deepen it—it helps ease it. And when adults model honesty and vulnerability, children learn it’s safe to express what they feel. 

 

All Around Is Me 

When Leanne Wallet and Jess Slater couldn’t find a grief book that resonated with their children, they wrote one themselves. All Around Is Me is more than a story; it’s a gentle, visual reminder that love endures, even after loss. 

 

Instead of focusing on death directly, the book offers comfort through symbolism and presence. A glowing butterfly appears on every page, quietly representing transformation, memory, and the idea that those we’ve lost are still nearby. The text speaks from someone who has passed, assuring the child: I am with you, always. 

 

This perspective reframes grief in a way children can hold onto. It doesn’t deny sadness; it makes space for it while also planting seeds of hope. As the authors explained, their goal was to write the message they would want their children to hear if they themselves were gone. The result is a book that’s both heart-holding and uplifting. 

 

Practical Tips for Opening the Dialogue - How to Talk to Children About Grief  

Talking to children about grief doesn’t require perfect words, just presence. Here are a few gentle ways to start: 

 

  • Use a story as a bridge. Books like All Around Is Me can open the door to meaningful conversations. 

  • Validate their feelings. Let children know it’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even happy while grieving. 

  • Share memories often. Keep the person’s presence alive with stories, photos, songs, or traditions. 

  • Be honest and age-appropriate. It’s okay to say, “I miss them too,” or “I don’t have all the answers.” 

  • Reassure safety and continuity. Let children know that while things are different, they’re still surrounded by love. 

 

When we avoid talking about grief, we don’t protect children; we isolate them. But when we create space for their questions, feelings, and memories, we give them the tools to heal. As All Around Is Me gently reminds us, those we’ve lost may no longer be seen, but their love is all around. 


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