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Grief and Community: Why We Heal Together

3 days ago
3 min read



Years ago, after my hysterectomy, I found myself grieving. The surgery was the right decision for me, and I never questioned it. I had never planned to have children, so I wasn't prepared for the sadness that followed. But there was something about losing the option that felt significant. Even though I had made the choice, there was still a sense of loss that caught me off guard.


Around that time, I felt a strong need to create something with my hands, so I learned to knit. What I expected to be a hobby became something much more. I joined knitting groups and found myself sitting with people from all different backgrounds. We gathered to work on projects, but the knitting wasn't really the important part. As we sat together, conversations happened naturally. People talked about their marriages, their jobs, their health, their parents, and the challenges they were facing. They talked about grief.


Looking back, I don't think knitting was what helped me through that period of my life; what helped was being around other people. The knitting simply gave us a reason to gather. It created a space where conversations could happen without pressure, and where people felt comfortable sharing what was really going on in their lives.


Many people believe they should grieve privately. They don't want to burden their friends or family. But, grief becomes overwhelming when people try to do it alone. Grief needs a witness.


I can't tell you how many times someone has apologized before sharing a story about the person they lost. They'll say things like, "I know I've told you this before," or "I should be doing better by now." But, people need to talk about their grief because they're still trying to make sense of what happened. Telling the story again and again is part of how they process the loss, and being heard is an important part of that process.


Recently, I helped with a celebration of life. The woman at the center of the event was still alive. She decided she didn't want people to wait until after her death to celebrate her life. She wanted to tell people how important they were to her, and hear what they had to say while she was still there to listen. So she invited the people she loved to gather together.


During the event, she stood up and spoke about each person in the room. She shared memories, expressed gratitude, and told them what they meant to her. Then the people in the room did the same for her.  One by one, they talked about the role she had played in their lives. They shared stories. They thanked her. They told her things that, in many cases, she had probably never heard before.


There was a tremendous amount of love in that room. People had the opportunity to say things that often go unsaid. They didn't have to wait until a funeral; they didn't have to speak about someone in the past tense. They were able to share those thoughts while she was there to receive them.


That experience reminded me that grief and connection are closely linked. The reason loss hurts is because relationships matter. When we allow ourselves to talk honestly about grief, we also create opportunities to talk honestly about love, appreciation, and what matters most.


I was reminded of this again during a recent conversation with Brad Wolfe, founder of Reimagine. We were discussing grief, creativity, and community, and he shared research on post-traumatic growth. One of the findings that stood out was that people often heal best when they have opportunities to share their stories in supportive communities.


That wasn't surprising to me. I've seen it happen around knitting circles, at bedsides, in support groups, and in conversations between people who finally realize they aren't alone. Grief doesn't disappear when we talk about it, but sharing it can make it feel less isolating. Being witnessed in our loss reminds us that we're still connected to others.


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