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Music and Grief: How Music Can Help When Words Are Hard to Find

4 minutes ago
5 min read



At a Glance


Grief can leave you with feelings that are hard to put into words, even with people you trust. Music can give you another way to express what you're feeling. You don’t need to play an instrument, write songs, or sing well to use music while you’re grieving. Listening to a meaningful song, singing along, or writing something of your own can help you connect with feelings that are harder to reach through conversation alone.


  • Music can give difficult emotions another form of expression.

  • A song may help you identify feelings you haven't been able to name.

  • Listening and singing can be useful even if you aren't a musician.

  • Music can create connection when grief feels isolating.


Sometimes Talking Doesn't Reach Everything


Singer-songwriter Mandi Leigh describes a moment after her friend Mark’s death when she had already talked through what happened in therapy and with others, but still felt something was unresolved. She was one of the last people to see him, and in hindsight she could recognize things he said that night as possible attempts to reach out. For years afterward, she carried the guilt and the questions so many people affected by suicide loss know well: What if I had stayed? What if I had noticed? What could I have done differently?


Years later, she picked up a guitar and learned just two chords, E and A, and found herself writing a song for him. As she sang, it felt less like explaining the grief and more like finally speaking directly to him in a way words alone hadn’t been able to do.


When Grief Finds Another Way Out


Mandi called it "Mark's Song." She described writing it as having a conversation with Mark that she didn't know she still needed to have. She had already talked about the trauma. She had already done a lot of work around what happened. Writing and singing gave her another way to address him directly.


The questions were still there. The love and sadness were still there. But now she had somewhere to put those feelings. Research into music and emotion regulation suggests that listening to music, singing, playing an instrument, and creating music may help us work with our emotional states*. Researchers are still learning exactly how and when music is most helpful, and we should be careful not to treat music as a cure for grief. It can, however, be another way to express what you're feeling.


Why Music Can Feel Different From Talking


Talking requires us to find words for what happened. Sometimes those words come easily. Sometimes they don't. Music adds other elements. There is rhythm, melody, and repetition. The physical act of singing. Memories associated with certain songs. And sometimes there are lyrics written by someone else that seem to say exactly what you can't.


Mandi also journals, but she describes songwriting as a different process. When she writes a song, she has to think about how an emotion sounds and how a thought fits with a melody. That process shows her something she didn't know was there.


While writing another song, "Before It All Changes," Mandi reached a line where she acknowledged loving someone. She cried, the realization surprised her. The song had reached something she hadn't fully recognized before she wrote it.


You don't have to write a song to experience something similar. Sometimes you hear a song you've listened to dozens of times, and one line suddenly affects you. Sometimes a song associated with someone who died brings back a memory you haven't thought about in years. Sometimes you sing along in the car and unexpectedly start crying. None of those reactions mean you're grieving incorrectly or going backward. Something connected, and you can choose whether you want to stay with it or not.


A Simple Way to Use Music During Grief


Mandi writes and performs music professionally, but you don't have to play an instrument or have a good singing voice. (Oren, my husband, puts on headphones before I sing out loud.) You don't even have to sing. If you're grieving and having trouble expressing what you're feeling, start with listening.


Think about what you need at that moment. Maybe you need a song that reminds you of the person who died. Maybe you need music that matches exactly how angry you feel or lets you cry. The music that helps you today may also be completely different from the music you want six months from now.


If you'd like to try using music more intentionally, keep it simple: choose one song. It might remind you of the person who died, match how you're feeling, or simply be something you feel drawn to that day. Then give yourself time to actually listen.


You don't need to analyze the lyrics or figure out what the song means. Notice what happens in your mind and body. Does a particular memory come up? Do you feel something physically? Do you want to sing, cry, or move? All of those responses give you information.


If it feels right, you might also:


  • Make a playlist connected to the person who died.

  • Create separate playlists for different moods.

  • Sing along when you're alone.

  • Write down a lyric that you connect with.

  • Write your own words to describe what you wish you could say.

  • Share a meaningful song with someone who knew the person too.


You can stop whenever you need to. Music doesn't have to push you into an emotion you're not ready for.


Music Can Also Make Grief Less Lonely


Something else happened when Mandi began performing her songs: people started approaching her afterward. They told her about their own losses. Mandi wrote a song called "Through It All" for her cat Marley as he was dying. When she tells that story during performances, people who have experienced pet loss recognize themselves in it. That shared recognition matters.


Grief can feel incredibly lonely. Your relationship with the person who died was yours, and no one else can experience the loss exactly as you do. But many of the feelings surrounding grief are recognizable, including longing, regret, love, anger, relief, guilt, and loneliness. Music can allow people to sit with some of those feelings together without requiring anyone to explain them. 


Music Is a Tool, Not a Requirement


Music isn't going to work for everyone. And it shouldn't become another thing you think you're supposed to do correctly while grieving. Research into music and emotional regulation is promising, but evidence specifically supporting music interventions for bereavement remains limited. If music feels comforting or helps you access your emotions, use it. If a certain song is too painful right now, turn it off. If you want silence, choose silence. And if your grief is interfering with your ability to function, or you feel stuck in distress that isn't easing, music shouldn't replace professional grief or mental health support. It can simply be one more tool available to you.


Give Your Grief Somewhere to Go


Mandi still thinks about Mark. Nearly ten years later, she is still writing about that night. One of the songs on her next record returns to what happened and the things she wishes she could change. Healing didn't erase the experience. What changed was her ability to be with it. Music gave her a place to express some of what had remained inside her and eventually share it with other people.


You may find that place somewhere else. But if words have been difficult lately, you might start with a song. What song reminds you of the person you're grieving? What song matches how you feel today? And what happens when you give yourself permission to listen?


*Croom, Adam M., et al. “The Impact of Musicking on Emotion Regulation: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis.” Psychology of Music, 2024. PubMed Central, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11405141/. Accessed 18 Aug. 2026.


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