5 Things No One Tells You About Child Loss- And How to Get Through Them

When a child dies, time fractures. You’re heartbroken, disoriented, and suddenly asked to make decisions you never imagined. In those first few days, the world seems to stop making sense. 

There’s no handbook for this kind of loss. But there are things you can know; small bits of preparation and comfort that might help you survive the impossible. This post walks through five things grieving parents often face, and what can help when everything feels too heavy.

1. You’ll Have to Make Big Decisions While in Shock from Child Loss 

Within hours of your child’s death, you may be asked to choose a funeral home, decide between burial or cremation, and begin planning a service. These are enormous decisions, ones no one should have to make so quickly. 

What can help: 

Choose one trusted person to make calls and ask questions on your behalf. Permit them to handle the details you can’t bear. If you’re not ready to decide something, say so. Insist on taking your time. 

2. The Bills Come Quickly Even When You Can’t Function 

Medical bills. Funeral costs. Cemetery fees. These may arrive before you’ve even left the fog of the first week. Many families are shocked to discover how little is covered by insurance, if anything at all. 

What can help: 

Ask a family member or friend to open your mail and help sort out the urgent from the non-urgent items. If you receive a bill you can’t manage, ask the provider about payment delays or financial assistance. Organizations like Luke’s Purpose exist to help families in precisely this situation; don’t hesitate to reach out. 

3. You Won’t Know What You Need And That’s Okay 

People will ask, “What can I do for you?” And the truth is, you won’t know. You’re surviving moment to moment, and the thought of making even one more decision can feel impossible. 

What can help: 

Let someone close to you act as a “point person.” They can tell others how to help, such as bringing meals, picking up groceries, or caring for other children. If someone offers, say yes. You don’t need to organize your grief, and you don’t need to be strong for anyone else right now. 

4. People May Say the Wrong Thing Or Nothing at All 

Some friends and family will show up with compassion. Others may disappear, unsure of what to say. And some will say deeply hurtful things, trying to be comforting but causing more pain. 

What can help: 

Give yourself permission to set boundaries. You don’t have to take care of anyone else’s discomfort. It’s okay to say, “I can’t talk about it right now,” or “I just need space.” This is your grief, not a social obligation. 

5. Support Doesn’t End After the Funeral, and Neither Should Help 

After the service, people return to their routines. But for you, grief is only the beginning. The ache continues, and so does the need for support, often when it feels like others have moved on. 

What can help: 

Connect with grief counselors or coaches, especially those with trauma or child-loss experience. If you have surviving children, look for programs designed to support them too. Ask your pediatrician or hospital social worker for referrals, or contact organizations that specialize in grief and loss. You are not alone, even when it feels like it. 

There’s no right way to grieve the death of a child. No perfect checklist. Just small steps forward through heartbreak. The world will keep asking things from you, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it all. Ask for help. Let others carry some of this with you. You don’t have to survive this on your own. 

Guest: Luke’s Purpose – https://www.lukespurpose.org  

Host: Traci Arieli’s Website – https://www.comfortingclosure.com