How to Stay Connected After Loss: A Different Way to Experience Grief

When my cat Merlin passed away, it happened quickly. One day, he was his usual happy self; the next, a seizure made it clear something serious was wrong. Within 24 hours, we had to say goodbye. The grief was immediate and heavy. 

At that time, I had just started exploring shamanic practices through a course I was taking. One exercise invited me to journey and connect with someone I’d lost. I didn’t know what to expect, but I set the intention to meet Merlin. What I experienced made me feel grounded and connected. I had a sense that my relationship with him hadn’t ended; it had just shifted. And that realization changed my grief in a way I didn’t expect. 

We assume the relationship ends. But what if it doesn’t? 

Most of us are taught that when someone dies, the relationship is over. They’re gone. We’re here. And the only direction we’re supposed to move is forward. But in reality, that is not how grief moves. We still think about our loved one. We still have conversations with them in our head and feel them around us. We second-guess those feelings. We tell ourselves it’s just a memory or a habit. Maybe it’s something we should stop doing.  

Across cultures and belief systems, that idea of continued connection isn’t unusual. Many religious traditions teach that we will meet again: in an afterlife, a different time, or in another form. There’s a built-in understanding that the relationship continues, even if it looks different. And for people who don’t follow a specific religion, the experience can still be there. You might not believe in an afterlife. You might not have language for what happens after death. But you still feel a connection to your loved one. You still find yourself speaking to them and sense their presence.  

So the question becomes less about belief and more about experience. What if staying connected is a natural part of grief? What if the relationship doesn’t end, but changes into something we don’t fully understand? 

How do we stay connected after loss, intentionally? 

For most of us, these moments of connection happen without trying. A thought comes out of nowhere, a memory feels more vivid than usual, or you catch yourself speaking to them before you even realize it. But what I experienced with Merlin showed me that connection doesn’t have to be accidental. It can be intentional. 

One way I experienced this was through a practice called shamanic journeying. At its simplest, it’s a way to become quiet, set an intention, and allow an experience to unfold without trying to control it. There’s no need to force anything or believe anything specific. The starting point is simple. Give yourself permission to sit. Bring a clear intention. Maybe it’s just, “I want to feel close to them.” Then stay open to whatever comes. 

For me, that experience created a sense of grounding and connection that I wasn’t expecting. It didn’t take the grief away, but it changed how it felt. I was no longer overcome with sadness. It was like a light switch had been turned. I felt a deep connection to Merlin. I wasn’t mourning his death in the same way anymore. I was mourning the loss of his physical presence while beginning a new kind of relationship. 

There are many ways people stay connected after loss. Some use prayer. Some write letters. Some sit quietly and reflect. This is one approach among many. The point isn’t the method. The point is that the connection to your loved one is still available. 

The relationship doesn’t end. 

Grief changes when the relationship changes. Not because the loss disappears, but because the connection takes a different form. You may still feel sadness and miss the physical presence, the routines, the small daily moments. That doesn’t go away. But connection can exist alongside that. 

Sometimes it happens naturally, in memory or in quiet moments. But it can also be something you choose to engage with intentionally, through practices that allow you to connect in a more direct way. You don’t have to force it. And you don’t have to define it perfectly. But you can stay in a relationship with the person you’ve lost. And sometimes, that’s enough to change how grief feels. 

Links/Resources  

• Guest: Lisa Cox – https://www.hjertehagen.net