Parenting While Grieving: Caring for Surviving Children

Traci Arieli
21 hours ago
3 min read

Parenting after losing a child is something you can’t possibly prepare for. The first days feel like you’re moving through fog. Even breathing feels heavy. And yet, life doesn’t stop. Another child still needs breakfast, still tugs at you for attention, still asks the kinds of questions that are difficult to answer.

Your world has fallen apart, but you’re still a parent. You don’t stop being mom or dad to the child who’s here, even while grieving the one who isn’t.

What follows are reflections on what it looks like to care for surviving children while carrying your own grief, and the ways some parents have found comfort along the way.

The Shock of Parenting While Grieving

In those first days, the weight of loss can make ordinary tasks feel impossible. You may want to stay in bed, but your child wakes up hungry. You may want silence, but they still want to play. The pull between your grief and your child’s needs is disorienting.

Some parents describe it as the moment they realized, I am still somebody’s mom. I still have to show up. That realization can feel both grounding and overwhelming.

Children Notice Everything

Even young children sense when something isn’t right. They notice your tears, the quiet in the house, the absence of their sibling. And they ask questions: sometimes simple, sometimes painful.

Where is heaven? Why isn’t my brother coming home? Can we see her again?

It’s hard to find the words. But children don’t need perfect answers, just honest ones they can understand. Using clear language, avoiding phrases that confuse (“he went to sleep”), and letting them know it’s okay to feel sad can help them begin to make sense of loss.

Letting Kids Grieve Their Way

Children don’t grieve the same way adults do. Some cry openly. Others go back to playing within minutes. They may express sadness through drawings or by clinging more tightly to you.

It helps to give them room to choose how they remember and express. Invite them to draw what they think heaven looks like, light a candle together, or let them decide if they want to visit the cemetery. The goal isn’t to push them toward one “right” way of grieving, but to respect their way of processing.

What Helps Families Cope

When life feels unrecognizable, small routines can steady the day. Simple things (bedtime stories, Saturday pancakes, walking the dog) offer children a sense of safety.

Support from others can also make a difference. Friends who drop off meals, grandparents who take a child for a night so you can rest, or neighbors who mention your child’s name. Many grieving parents say the most comforting thing is hearing others remember their child. It doesn’t reopen the wound; it acknowledges that their child lived and mattered.

Moving With Grief Together

Grief shifts as children grow. A four-year-old’s questions won’t be the same as a seven-year-old’s. As they reach new milestones like school, birthdays, and new friendships, grief shows up in new ways.

Parenting through loss isn’t about fixing the grief. It’s better to walk with your children as both you and they change, learning to carry grief and love side by side.

Even in the most challenging moments, remember this: your presence matters. Showing up, even imperfectly, is enough. You are still a parent to the child you lost and to the child who is here. Both truths can exist together.